Friday, 2 June 2017

An individual first, a parent later

You know i have always wanted sleeping pills but never realized this fact until today that my stories too could work just the same. One page through my own and i start feeling dozy yet i am determined to get cured only by the pills. Just saying. Working hard as usual and on a good story, of course.

i am reading this novel. In it, there is a 50 year old woman, a mother of three grown ups. The woman (let's call her C) is a single mother, lives in Paris while her children live far away and are appallingly consumed in their own separate lives, hardly ever asking anything about their mother's life. That felt strange to me 'cause 6 hours spent and i call up my mother or she calls me and then we talk, or gossip or converse for around thirty minutes at the least (no wonder my husband has got me a mobile package of free local and STD calls). But it feels relaxing and comforting knowing that even though i live thousands of kilometers apart, my mother is doing fine. But in this novel, the three kids act as if they are born out of thin air and that air was sucked up by the vacuum afterwards. Their mother is non-existent until they need to see her or she visits them (youngest of the three is actually nice to her though). i know it's a fiction novel but fiction mirrors non-fiction. Besides, anything and everything is possible.

But that is not why i have started talking to you here. About those three kids. No. Their stance towards C's life was somehow digestible until they start condemning or questioning C for having a boy friend at this age. While it was okay for C to have someone special in her life, three children were somehow not convinced. They thought, no, they assumed C only and solely as their mother. They never considered her a human being first who can have her own wishes, lifestyle, desires, passions and the ability to make a decision to live with a man seventeen years younger than her; or a woman who would and could do things as she liked. Somehow they never looked at her as a complete, fully-functional independent woman. They always imagined her spending the entire life living for them and then dying being their mother only. 

Is it alright? To consider your mother just that and not looking at her on an individual level? i can assure you that the novel is written by a noteworthy author and belongs to contemporary age. i agree that mothers especially single ones live, breathe and eat according to their kid's schedule but that does not make them any less human, does it? A woman regardless of her age, position, role, and identity also deserves to live as freely as her child. Just because she is a mother, she is not supposed to give up on the pleasures and wonders of life that unfold through years. That'd be too much to ask.

Time has changed and constantly changing. So we need to break down some traditional barriers for good. While it is good to bless your kid with all the love and affection, it is also equally significant to make them look at you as an individual. They should not feel as if you, as a parent, and your life is entirely dependent on them. Children need to be taught a few things from an early age like giving space to parents, letting them live their lives and being absolutely okay with the choices they make. This particular maturity should evolve in them from the beginning. After all, and i am speaking with experience, we spend a big chunk of life on children and in order to do it, we sacrifice our freedom and also those opportunities and possibilities that may have kicked in those years. Parents don't complain but it certainly does not mean they are not free to enjoy another chance at the freedom once children are settled in their own lives. it'll put them at ease and they will be delighted to live freely once again,


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