Friday, 23 June 2017

Giving up to the unknown

When it comes to future, Curiosity is the concept we humans lean at the most. Be it the next hour, tomorrow or the week after, we just can't stop looking, digging into the uncertainties and deciding the possible course of actions. Sometimes the concept of curiosity gets so strong that we literally stop living in the present and thrust ourselves forward in the bubble of future. We roll inside it and do our best to find the balance all the while keeping an eye on the probable. But something clicks at some point and pop! The bubble bursts out and we finally come back to reality. The dear feeling of not knowing what's gonna happen next gets kind of unsettling, slips underneath your nerves. You sit with head down thinking deep...finally giving up to the unknown.

This, my friend, the act of giving up to the unknown should have taken place at the first place. If it had, a lot of time and energy could have been saved. And yes, a few more wrinkles off the face too. Who needs those fine lines anyway?! 

In an urge to catch the the butterfly of future, we are probably getting distracted from collecting fragrance of the present. At some point, we have to learn to stop. Not every step taken forward can really take you forward. Standing still and let the world around move can also be the next step. We just have to stop and give up - to the future, to the unknown, to the forbidden. Then only we can truly learn to grow, to move forward, to be deserving of the knowledge of beyond. We just need to flow according to the flow and allow things to happen. 'Cause they will happen even if you don't. So just sit and put the head on the head rest and be the part of the present. Who knows what's going to happen next, so why bothering all the time? When it comes, it will be braved and faced. When it finally reveals, it will be served with the response it deserves. Until then, breathe. It'll keep you in the kingdom of reality - the present - with you as the anonymous king perched on the magnificent throne of permitted. And who wouldn't want to be fancied by such?

Thursday, 22 June 2017

The Suffering of Ocean.

the suffering that never ends
the rise of pain keeps flowing
head back, eyes lookin' up
thinking when will this end?

in the ocean of unexpected
stumbled upon an oyster 
the most beautiful pearl in it
wish i could keep it here;

lips fear to pray, dreadful to make a wish
it'd be a regretful waste nevertheless
with that beautiful  pearl lost somewhere else
now the ocean is left to burn alive everywhere.

Pen writing or type writing?

A few days back, i was thumbing through the news paper, reading various articles. One of them was about a pen pal. The writer has reminisced the journey of her pen friend - Richardis - from Germany. The writing style was crisp and devoid of usual mundane explanations which was refreshing and welcoming. i learned a bit too! Anyway, the writer - Meher Pastonji - reminded me of the times when pens were in fashion, the era where hand written letters used to be a particular craze and of course, when making pen pals across the country or the globe used to be a big deal. Ink doesn't really know its boundaries, does it?

In my childhood, i too had written several letters to my favorite cousins and relatives. Whenever i was at my naani's house, i would pick a pen and paper and write letters to my parents. Pen writing is actually a very fascinating experience despite of being a lengthy and now-a-days, a fussy process. That time, it used to be beautiful, without fuss and yes, infused with the amount of love and affection that's now impossible to find in type writing. So, as i went through the article reading on the journey of the writer and her German friend and how they managed to talk on phone after 40 years of pen friendship, i too traveled back in time. The moment when those two friends finally listened to each other's voices, i too reveled in that. 40 years!! Big time until you get to talk to a friend. In today's date, telephonic conversations happen without even thinking. Time has become so easy, so convenient. 

But can mails, texts and other forms of e-media really take away the charm of writing a letter? Can the effervescence of text books handwriting match the annoying monotonous clicks of typing? The latter sure makes the job a lot easier and feels more eco-friendly but still, the fascination of writing your feelings and experiences and getting it to share with someone is unparalleled. And oh, how can you forget the wicked role of Waiting for a letter? A letter usually took 4-5 days to arrive at its destination and then you'd sit and wait for the response which would take at least a week or two, depending upon the availability of the person at destination. It may take months and even years to get a response but the allure of waiting was matchless. You feel as if the world can not end. Yet. Because the response letter has not arrived! The anticipation, the excitement, fights with the younger brother to post it asap, jogs to the shop for the answer mail has arrived, the ability to get to caress each word on the response letter, feeling the happiness and the agony hidden in it, trying to guess whether the content was written in a hurry or with patience, the envy of a beautiful handwriting, little drawings here and there but above all, the smile which'd still continue to glow on your face even after finishing the last word at the end...the originality of these are somehow lost in the time of technology and impatience.

Monday, 19 June 2017

Little discoveries and experiences

Experiences, sometimes, can surprise us. You think you know yourself better than time but no. Again and again, the latter will prove you wrong. No matter how many years you have spent with yourself, there will always be a room in the dark hidden somewhere within you. It does not get enlightened with self-awareness and knowledge until time allows it to. And when it happens, when the dark room comes into a limelight, you realize there is still an aspect of yourself you did not know. How convenient! It can be amusing as well as surprising. Good or bad, depends really upon how do you take the latest discovery.

But i think, these experiences are good in a way. Because it lets you have a closer look at what you want to be or how you want to be. In the series of fleeting moments, you emerge as the purest form. You be what and how you are but when those moments finally end, you get to evaluate the recent experience. And then you may stumble upon a discovery about yourself. Even if you feel bad or not-so-impressed with yourself, it's still a learning! You get the glimpse of the construction in process (not progress, mind you!). Am i talkin' in codes or you understand what i am saying? No. i am not talkin in codes neither i am overwhelmed by any experience. You can understand my POV here only if you have gone through such discoveries about yourself. If you get the chance to sit and sip the latest breaking news about yourself, you find you can sit for longer and think even deeper. Every pros and cons get noticed. The experience might be over but you can avail the benefit by reliving it over and over and picturing scenarios of  several what ifs. It can be helpful or meaningless, again depends totally upon how do you take it. 

But truth to be told, discoveries about yourself, no matter how sweet or how harsh they can be, are good. In fact, anything that can bring you closer to your soul, that can make you a thinker, that can free you to sit and stare at the beautiful naught, that allows to be you despite the rest of world masquerading in different forms, that connects the dots and completes the picture, is good, and healthy. Whether you take it in with positivism or not, trust me it is good have little precious discoveries about the personal universe you are living in.

Sunday, 18 June 2017

Wishing you a Happy Father's Day, Mummy.

You are the ears to my words  
eyes for my suffering and happiness
you are a mate whenever my soul ache
you are the friend whenever i need one
you are my best critique for my betterment
you are not only an earth to me
Mother! in you, there is also a father i see;

The longing to sit next to you
feeling your presence glowing in me
i smile when you laugh at nothing
i look at you even when you are not looking at me;

You'll never know how much i love you
you will never see what you instill in me
it's just not only the chapters of life 
but also the will to thrive and survive;

You may think i am out of your womb, mother
you may think there is no longer a cord connecting us
but the way you take us in your protective shelter
there can never be another womb so better!

So allow me to wish you in my way
with love sweeping your heart away
Father sure will get jealous after reading this
but he needs to know that he is not alone
in the road of loving and protecting his own 
he has got a soldier, a resilient ally 
here is to wish you
A Happy Father's Day, Mummy. 

Friday, 16 June 2017

Eyes say it all.

"We can stay only for a short while." He said

"Okay." She said, smiling all the way.

"Do not tell this to anyone." He said.

"I won't." She assured.

He opened the door and there her friend Jennifer was, doing something by the table. Jennifer saw them smile shining her face. By this time, i already had an uneasy feeling, like something bad is going to happen any second. Jennifer saw her friend and the moment she stepped forward with smile still glowing her face, a bullet meets the left of her stomach and then another right in between her eyes, on the forehead. The next moment, she was dead by the same table. The man, who had brought the girl with him, was stunned. He turned back and saw the girl he loved deeply, immensely probably trying to figure out what the hell she just did. The girl looked back at him, not a single trace of remorse on her face and before the man could utter any sort of response, she fired the gun at him. Three or four bullets may be. The man was now on the floor, bleeding to death.  

It's this serial that i watch in weekdays. In fact, this is the only serial i watch. The scene i just narrated to you, it belongs to tonight's episode. The girl who fired the gun and appears to be so cruel here actually looked so innocent, delicate and harmless. The man loved her so much! He had brought the girl to meet her friend, Jennifer. It was a secret meeting and he trusted his love so much, so blindly. But the girl did her mission. And killed two people - one her friend and another her lover ( she didn't love him really, did she?).

But what usually gets under my skin during such scenes is - the eyes of the victim faced with betrayal. The amount of pain all wrapped up meticulously in the agony of shock. The thought that the person you trusted your heart so much with can actually commit a kill on your trust breaks you. Only one sense becomes the prominent - the eyes. Other senses just stop working. Those eyes opened wide struggling to drink in the incredulity of the moment, still forcing the mind to figure out what went wrong or is it for real? You just stop sensing the pain caused by the bullet, the external killing resource. You get killed by the the moment you chose to consider a particular person your own. You get killed by all those happy memories that do not fail to flash in a second across your eyes before you fall to the ground and turn into a dead body. You get killed because of your decision to hand over the complete power to someone. You get killed by your own choice, those good happy memories, that decision you thought made sense. Bullet just makes the job easier. Your mind gives up, the heart has no desire to keep drumming in your chest, blood spews because there is no use. You reel on the floor, you keep seething until it's all over. Not because The End was destined but because you wanted it to be over.

i won't blame you if you judge my post inspired by an episode. At some extent, it is but not entirely. There are many more moves and ideas in that serial but i never choose to write about any of'em. What i have written here, what i have told you here actually happens in real life. When someone betrays your trust, your integrity gets compromised. You start testing your G.K. about people and relationships and probably start thinking to re-write it. Because everything stops making sense. Where you thought this is the one who will always understand me, who will always wipe your tears away, that same person can suddenly and magically becomes immune to the core of your emotions. No matter the size of vortex, the ultimate damage finally comes down on you, on your relationship. Where you thought you can trust your judgment and choose to go against this world, suddenly it becomes not You v/s The world. It becomes You v/s Yourself. And then you stop and think 'how to outplay my own self'? Then again, nothing makes sense. You become numb and your eyes speak the story on your behalf. 

Somehow i am beginning to feel i am delivering a very depressing blog post once again. You seem to agree too! This week, it has been hard to feel something good, something positive. Anyway, let's end all of it with just one sentence - If someone loves you deeply, do not cause hurt. You wouldn't like what those eyes might have to say in return. 

Okay! Now that's two sentences.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Read 50 pages to decide

It was my book club this eve. After all the reading and healthy snacks, i talked to kids about Books and their benefits - about how books can be a good conversation starter when being in a strange group as well as about how book reading makes the person friendlier than the others. These benefits are good. i also shared the result of a specific research. It says that - read 50 pages of book to decide whether you want to continue with it. It is called - Rule of fifty.

A nice rule, i'd say. However, since kids' books are often thinner than adults' novels, i told my club kids to try reading for 20 pages if not more. Those 20 pages will help you in knowing whether you'd like to continue. Along with this, i also emphasized on - whether you like the book or not, once you have started, make it a point to finish it. Because Finishing is as important as Starting a book. They agreed with me. It was not the first time i was mentoring them over the significance of finishing a book but reminding one thing over and over actually gets settled in the head. Then the person hardly ever forgets it.

Last week i had given them a little assignment in their club copies - Who is your favorite teacher and why? Today we talked about it. It was good and fascinating listening them. Even Ashmit spoke fondly about his Rupa ma'am. Jyoti likes Seema ma'am while Abhay finds his ____ ma'am ( i seem to forget the teacher's name). i am trying to not to focus much on the fact that women have been tutoring their children in schools very well. They are becoming favorite. Then i also told them about two of my favorite teachers - 1. Harjeet miss when i was in 7th and 8th std. she was our Punjabi teacher. Yes. i do know a little of this language as well; 2. Late Mittal sir. During my medical preparation, it was because of Mittal sir that Physics became an interesting subject to me. i told my kids that if it wasn't for Harjeet miss and Mittal sir, i'd never be able to enjoy Punjabi and Physics. It was nice to see kids paying attention.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

The fall of love and trust.

Just this morning i talked about there is something beautiful in today in the poem - The Gift of Today and what my sheer luck is! Can't seem to fathom at the turn of events. If there is one thing that's huge next to love is - trust. Every relationship is based on trust. We move on with it, live with it and literally sleep with it. Trust is something that makes us sensitive and thus, human. 

But what if the same trust is broken by someone you love? Or, you thought you did. i don't believe in the notion that only blood relations are trustworthy. People who happen to be called your relatives can be trustworthy too. They too can make up for the empty spaces of a few precious relationships that you crave for, long for. You open up your heart and welcome the person thinking s/he is right for you and certainly understands your emotions and reciprocates them. The person appears to be trustworthy. Family. Friend. Big sister. Big brother. Cousin. The person seems everything that you have always craved for and you are just happy to adjust some space in your life to accommodate those sudden sprouted warm feelings. And for a long time you continue, no, you choose to live in a daze that your decision is right. That the person you have chosen to trust is worth your time and energy and those laughter bouts and personal thing sharing. Everything just seems good and perfect! Nothing was supposed to go wrong. But at the end, it did. The gift or the present can be so full of surprises. 

The Gift of Today

there is always something good about today
it's not gone neither it's about to happen
it's here, right now in this moment
so why don't you smile and open the thing
that is called your 'present'?

Monday, 5 June 2017

Imagining something new

i hadn't planned on writing anything tonight but sitting on the same spot in my balcony as previous night and looking up at the sky, the content was found unexpectedly. i sat there thinking nothin'. Just drinking in the natural beauty of such night's silence. As i looked up, i found some small but several big clouds perched over the backdrop of dark gray sky. and suddenly something hit me. A while ago, someone had suggested me to be light-hearted. I can be fussy some times. So i decided to try it - how does it feel like to be light-hearted? i started imagining creatures out of those pale white patches of clouds, a usual game of dreamers.

At first, it was tough. Clouds were not in usual discipline. But after a few seconds, i could see a big dog (or you can say, rhinoceros) running to the right. It's shape was nice. And then i saw head of a bull a little to the left but up and away from the dog. Weird though but there was so much precision in its two eyes, nostrils, and two spread horns on its either side of the head that i had to accept it. Then i started trying again. Luck was out or may be i was out of imagination. In fact, i felt the urge to bring those clouds together and stitch them together in a Mammoth or a Unicorn. That'd have been nice. But i didn't because i couldn't.

And then an idea hit me. Why it is always have to be existent or known creatures? Why can it not be about creating something new, imagining something new? i smiled. i must tell you that this 'trying to be light-hearted' thing had started to amuse me a little by now. With new perspective and from behind my spectacles, i watched at the scenery laid in front of me. i put all the clouds together and created a big creature. It had a big long neck with a reasonably broad face. But you should wait until i tell you what the rest of it looked like. The rest of this creature was huge. It had two enormous broad wings right below its neck and donning the back of its chest. It had a long tail as well, not one but two, one below the other. Everything worked out in favor except a small pile of clouds hunched on its hip. What could that be? And then i turned it into a small creature, an ally to the big one to keep an eye on its backside. Perfect! Eyes on front, eyes on the back. And then i gave some powers to my newly invented creature. It can change its shape in any and many forms. After all, it is made up of clouds. i have to give this obvious prowess. It could also run across the whole sky. Those sporadic stars peeking from its body from here and there could be little glitters, little gems attached to its body, to give it a more appealing look.

Sunday, 4 June 2017

Just one minute

One minute. Sounds too short, too less of a time span to ask for, right? The last minute of your favorite tele-show and you are maniacally stuck to it. You are so desperate for it to go on just to see what mysteries will unfold afterwards but that last minute passes more quickly than it is supposed to. You are on the treadmill or jogging on the road and loving it so much that you never want to stop. The last minute somehow appeals to you very much but this minute too betrays you and makes a fun of you by ending with the unexpected speed. You can't jog anymore 'cause there are other form of exercises in line, waiting to get done. 

All i am saying is, that one minute is not too much to ask for. Because there is a concept called eternity living with us. One drop scooped out of an ocean and the ocean wouldn't feel its absence. A drop, a blink, a sip, a minute...not that important to go hunt after.

By having said all this prologue, i'd love to have a minute of blank mind. All the memories, good ones, bad ones and other ones, the worries, the expectations from and of the future, the ghosts of the past, the spontaneity of the present...everything to be erased just for a minute. So that i can know once again how does it feel like to be a blank slate again, to feel or remember nothing; to be free like my 7 months old nephew who knows nothing but doing his best to mimic the expression of the person holding him. Does this wish sound weird? Of course it does. If someone else was saying it to me, I'd probably be like - Hey! that's not possible, you know! Besides, be cool with everything you have. Or, may be something similar to that. 

May be the ocean would not miss its one drop. May be the sip taken from a huge glass of hot chocolate would not be terribly missed. May be the eternity would still do just fine without its minuscule fraction. But that ocean would not understand the freedom of that one drop. The brimming glass of hot chocolate would not know the lingering taste lasting on thirsty lips. The eternity would never feel what does it feel like to be wanted as much as one minute. 

i know. This wish is a demand of a foolish mind. It is too big of a request to place. Eternity would never give away its tiny part. A minute is too long for it to give up just for someone's selfish desire. 

Light in the abundance of darkness

May be i am the rebirth of an owl. 'Cause i like to stay awake late into the night. Be it during my exams in the past, spending time with my big sprawled family and having cuppa of teas at two in the morning, staying awake staring at nothing, being a mum, or take this...Saturday nights, i just can't find the purpose under the bed, behind the sofa, inside the wardrobes, tucked in the kitchen drawers to sleep early. 

Previous night when i finally hit my bed, it was a bit late. i was sleeping with my kid in his room. He doesn't want to sleep alone. He was asleep but i stayed awake, religiously justifying the owl's duty. Since not every night is a reading night, i relieved my Kindle from its duty. Instead, i kept starin at the ceiling until an idea hit me! i got up and switched off the light first. Not satisfied. i got up again and closed the room door half way. Still not enough. Finally when i shut the door completely and was lain back on the bed in the dark then only it worked. 

Who says darkness cannot give birth to light? Who says nothing can be seen in the dark? Because i was staring at those little stars and moons and planets stuck on the ceiling. Put the radium object or those ones that glow in the dark (i am forgetting the term) and the darkness will pave way for some light...for some illumination. Just like the night sky who allows the real moon and stars to shine so bright at its dispense. See! Darkness is beautiful. Darkness has a meaning. It is not entirely meaningless. 

i have always wanted to sleep under the sheet of starry sky but because of the night's creepy army, i can never do so. But my wish was unexpectedly completed last night. The ceiling was my make shift sky and those radium stickers were my moon and stars. But i was the real gazer. This all may sound very simple to you but don't they say there is a beauty in simplicity? Pin those radium stickers on your room ceiling, stare at them at night and then tell me whether it worked as a magic or not. It does. You won't be able to help yourself but smile at the sight. I liked it.

Friday, 2 June 2017

An individual first, a parent later

You know i have always wanted sleeping pills but never realized this fact until today that my stories too could work just the same. One page through my own and i start feeling dozy yet i am determined to get cured only by the pills. Just saying. Working hard as usual and on a good story, of course.

i am reading this novel. In it, there is a 50 year old woman, a mother of three grown ups. The woman (let's call her C) is a single mother, lives in Paris while her children live far away and are appallingly consumed in their own separate lives, hardly ever asking anything about their mother's life. That felt strange to me 'cause 6 hours spent and i call up my mother or she calls me and then we talk, or gossip or converse for around thirty minutes at the least (no wonder my husband has got me a mobile package of free local and STD calls). But it feels relaxing and comforting knowing that even though i live thousands of kilometers apart, my mother is doing fine. But in this novel, the three kids act as if they are born out of thin air and that air was sucked up by the vacuum afterwards. Their mother is non-existent until they need to see her or she visits them (youngest of the three is actually nice to her though). i know it's a fiction novel but fiction mirrors non-fiction. Besides, anything and everything is possible.

But that is not why i have started talking to you here. About those three kids. No. Their stance towards C's life was somehow digestible until they start condemning or questioning C for having a boy friend at this age. While it was okay for C to have someone special in her life, three children were somehow not convinced. They thought, no, they assumed C only and solely as their mother. They never considered her a human being first who can have her own wishes, lifestyle, desires, passions and the ability to make a decision to live with a man seventeen years younger than her; or a woman who would and could do things as she liked. Somehow they never looked at her as a complete, fully-functional independent woman. They always imagined her spending the entire life living for them and then dying being their mother only. 

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Beyond the nature, beyond the sky

Settled on my dining chair, with laptop perched on the table, i look out of the balcony door. There are many things i can see right now but sometimes what meets to eye does not matter. Sometimes you manage to look beyond those thick luscious leaves, random flowers, buildings, solar systems sun bathing on many terraces, airplanes flying overhead occasionally, the far away mirage called the horizon, the blob of clouds, the patches of clear blue sky...these things just come forward and get lost in the vision of naught that has suddenly become so existent, so clear, so much intense. You not only look but you manage to look beyond everything magically. The beauty of the mortal things lose their charm when you are indulged so lavishly into the depth of eternal silence, in the tranquility that the house is providing so generously. You almost feel thankful. Good that my kid is gone to school or else I'd not be able to do some philosophy right now. :)

Life is very dramatic. The coin flips so quickly and so silently that when it happens, it gets almost impossible to recognize the subtle transformation. but that's life at the end and its drama unfolding every day. Today is Thursday and the first date of this month. That reminds me it's my book club day. Yay! Something to look forward to. The theme of the month is - School is Cool. School is cool only if there is everything positive but it can get uncool because of some issues such as bullying, shyness, finding difficulty in making friends, tough subjects, challenging teacher and what not. The latter can bring not-so-positive impact on the child's mind. Hence, the theme, to give a good head start to the new academic year. Cool, right? Parents have shown their approval already. 

A slow but steady longing for a cup of hot coffee has started to stir me within. i will get up when i am done here. And will drink it when i start working on my story. Something nice is going to happen in the next couple of months but i'll share when it's time to share. i can only hope it works. 

The tick tock of the wall clock behind me is filling the moment so diligently that it almost makes me smile. Have you ever been this silent? in such silent surroundings? It's beautiful, i can tell be able to feel things falling for natural course occurring at natural pace. Chaos is good but most of the time, it's the silence that can bring you closer to yourself. It may not be very heart-warming though. Because it takes you far away from yourself too. So it can be understandably heart-breaking just as well. No. Heart-wrenching is more suitable word here. But embracing both the sides of coin is what should be the natural course of being human, being sensible, being wise or mature or whatever. Just accept and embrace. That can do a little less damage, i guess. After all, if it's the soul that's affected, no one has done the damage but yourself.

Now before you turn in Robert Langdon and start behaving like him in a typical manner, let me go grab my coffee. i wish i could have filter one though. 

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Stream of thoughts

Paving way through the day and work, decided to watch TV for some time. As it turned out, Sex and The City was about to start. Somehow i have always been stumbled upon its second part but never the first one. Looked at the clock and thought i had time to spare for this movie. 

As the movie went on nearing to its end, just like while watching Sex and The City Part 2 every time, i thought to myself - if someone asks me what's so great and hype about this movie? - i guess i won't be able to answer. It's just a movie packed with four women's drama and the ups and downs of their lives. There's actually nothing much special or sparkling to witness. But along with it, i know i'd also add - but may be you can still choose to watch it and it will take you further, until the end.

As those four friends celebrated Samantha's 50th birthday, i could feel the glow of bond being shared among themselves. And not only in that moment but also in many others. How each one of them would live (not die!!) for the other transpires a smile on the face. It makes you remember your true friends, people who would love to stand by you. And anything that reminds you of those wonderful precious people is great, isn't it? 

The movie also has another big element - Forgiveness and comes straight through Carrie and Miranda. Forgiveness is a tough act to perform especially when you are hurt deeply by someone very close. The words just fail to take shape in your mind let alone thinking about it. i know, many say - make your heart bigger, learn to let go, learn to forgive. Tch! They say it as if it's like a switch and it is in your control. No. There are many switches, including forgiveness, in the human being that go haywire sometimes and you fail to control'em. May be those people who can control have really big hearts. May be they are saints in the human being outfit. May be they do have a control but not every one in the same outfit is expected to behave the ditto. Two people may well be carrying different dictionaries.

Saturday, 27 May 2017

Playing Guitar with my son and niece

If you think love is the only thing that can sweep you off your feet, well, you are wrong. The heavy rainfall this eve has just given it a tough competition. And it was beautiful. The weather still is in good mood. No wonder I have a cup of steaming coffee resting by my side. Jealous already? You can get one for yourself too. 

So here I am tonight to share a heart-warming video featuring me, my son and my lovely niece. At my native recently when i was singing a song one evening on my Guitar, my niece joined me. I encouraged her to sing with me. My son too got towed along. Never knew this light but beautiful synchronization would end up in a desire to create a video of me playing with them. So one night after making pizza in dinner for everyone, we settled down in my brother's room. Two things - I was damn tired and, 2. my bhabhi (brother's wife) too was exhausted after a whole day work. I requested and she allowed us to hijack her room for some time. I am so thankful to my brother and Bhabhi. Brother recorded the video. 

Anyway, when I was done making pizza and changed into night suit, I asked kids whether we could make the video right now. Mind you! It was probably 12 at night. But bursting with childhood spirit, they said Yes. I was surprised nonetheless happy. I just pulled my hair into a neat ponytail and went out of the room for some work only to return finding my naughty niece raiding my make up box. She was applying lipstick. My mouth fell open. She is so small yet she was doing make up. Grinning at her enthusiasm, I too joined her although I said in the middle - 

Don't you think it's too late for fashion?

to which the girl said - 

Bua! Time does not matter when it comes to fashion. 

I was awestruck and impressed at the same time. The  we hurriedly raided my brother's room like some crazy musicians were trapped in the bodies of normal human beings. After one trial, we finally got around to make a perfect video. 

I must admit. This was the first time I enjoyed so so much playing on my Guitar. You should have seen how excited my niece was! You can see happiness dripping off her face in the video. My son too sang very nice and we all three crazy kids managed to end the day on an amazing note. But before I end talking here, here are some behind the scene pictures because real fun lies in being natural. Courtesy once again goes to my little brother. 

Friday, 26 May 2017

Rising to the glory - a teacher's job

This afternoon, I was watching TV. The Millers was on. Usually I like The Middle or Friends but this one seems to be funny too. So I started watching The Millers. The episode going on had an ostentatious woman teacher speaking loudly on mic reading to parents what her students had written for her on Valentine's Day. And probably every student had written very nice and appreciative comments about her. The ex-teacher (a woman again) was also present. As the current teacher went on rambling about her reputation among rows of parents, the latter was fuming and thinking why none of her students wrote anything nice about her ever. Furious and angry, the latter left the hall in the middle but not before turning on the fire alarm to dismiss the silly celebration the current teacher was having at her own dispense. 

Fast forward, the ex-teacher's three children (they were all her children, I suppose) started digging the school compound in search of time capsules in which their mother's students (in her time) may have buried some good things about her. They were taking a risk doing it but since there is none like a mother's love, any and every danger is welcome. At the end they all were caught and punished. Then once again, the ex- and the current teacher had a face off. The current teacher could not stop herself from reading the comments the ex-teacher's students had written. It was awful to say the least! The ex-teacher went all sad and seeing her miserable condition, the current teacher again started blabbering something something. And as they say, do not scare someone at the extent of ending it (no one says it but I just stole this dialogue from Mary Kom starring Priyanka Chopra. It's a good dialogue, I believe), the ex-teacher rose from her misery elegantly and pulled the attention of the current one. All three children were witnessing this all. 

The ex-teacher showed her letters and said that 'it was not her job to be liked or disliked by her students. Her job was to educate her children in such disciplined manner that would last for a lifetime'. In her letters, students did not make a single grammatical mistake. They were all error-proof while in the current teacher's, they were full of errors, a vivid reflection of bad teaching. 

The error-free letters gave the real power to the ex-teacher and she blew the current teacher with her tiny little lecture. And she was right. A teacher's job is not to be liked or disliked but to educate her students in the right manner, in a disciplined way and to direct their lives in the right direction.

At the end, the current teacher stood just speechless and I could tell the celebration in her had died somewhere.

The transformation

Having legs stretched after seven hours straight feels so relaxing. It's as if life is thrusting itself back in my body once again. The feeling of being at home finally puts me at much ease. 

I was at my native for last few weeks. Needless to say it was once again a golden period being able to live and breathe and talk silly under the protective shade of my parents. staying off all the household responsibilities is always mesmerizing. Yes! Daughters tend to get selfishly lavishly lazy in terms of cooking and cleaning and managing groceries once they are with their parents. With them, life is innocent once again. There is hope etched all over. But I do care for them. I have my own way, own tricks and turns, own handbook to do it. All in all, getting to the place where your roots belong is binding. 

When I unlatched my house door, I was welcomed by an upturned but dead cockroach right on the floor of living room. I smiled. Not because that was the sight I wanted to be welcomed with but to be able to be at home once again. I entered with all our luggage and then started the inevitable. Opening bags, taking out necessary articles, cleaning tables and kitchen, thinking what to eat at two of night, doing best to handle kid with his crying and howling because he is missing his maternal grand parents, getting washing machine loaded with dirty laundry, brushing teeth and a few more things. I amaze at the transformation I slipped into in a second. I am no more a daughter here. I am a housewife now who has a few priorities to sort out before she gets to sleep. But I don't mind. This is life. This is home.

So finally I ended up having dinner made up of total junk food. Once in a while is allowed. Besides, Maggi can be eaten anytime. There is no such law declared for Maggi to be eaten at any specific time. Blessings to Nestle! I wanted to put my feet up on the couch and slurp the noodle and watch TV but kid was still not okay. He was still missing everyone. So I dropped the idea of TV and went to sit next to him with my plate of steaming Maggi. It took sometime but finally he was settled and now is sleeping. I, instead of getting the opportunity to stare at moving screen, settled down with my laptop.

Eyes are droopy now. But weather is nice and pleasant. I like it. Back at my native, it was extreme summer. But here in Bangalore is different. I remember myself looking out of the plane's window at Bangalore. House were lit here and there and in clusters. They looked to me as if they were symposiums of fire flies gathered to decided which place to light up tomorrow. It was a serene sight. I continued reading my book on Kindle and thanked my husband profusely for giving it to me last year. Books truly are your best buddies. I enjoy reading on my Kindle very much. It is so easy, so very much convenient! 

Before I end, let me be honest. I too miss my parents here. But can't go like an open book about my sentiments just as my son. I have to be in control and reality check. Yet I miss them. It's alone here without them.

Now good night!

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Amor Fati

means the love of fate or love of one's fate. In other words - 

When you embrace your fate regardless of its nature.

When you are ready to accept the fate - good or bad, beautiful or ugly, awesome or terrifying - every emotion starts to ooze a specific meaning, a special way of alignment to the course of universe, and no matter what or how it looks, nothing seems bad enough to reject it. It brings peace, yes but moreover, it magnifies the ability to look forward after a terrible loss. Accepting fate can also be rewarding.

The term had caught my attention on FB a few days back via a video. Usually I am bad at watching videos (I don't click on videos unless there is a gun on my temple) but the term was strange enough to catch my eye. Honestly, I thought the website has misspelled it or something so I started watching and turned out, the spelling was perfect. Amor Fati indeed is a term, an inspiring one on that note.

When you stop complaining and whining over 'Why Me?', the mind pulls out peace from hidden corners of your being. Acceptance makes you calmer, gentler and provides stability in challenging times though I agree it is not as easy as it sounds especially when there is a personal loss or financial crisis involved. Accepting the fate is a Herculian task but can be done some times, if not always. It helps in making the situation less revolting, offers less twisting to the persistent agony and the pacing across the room narrows down to an extent. As I said, stability.

In other words, it can be carried around as  - Whatever happens, happens for good, Or, जो होता है , अच्छे के लिए होता है। 

We just need to find the needle of goodness in the big heap of haywire.

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Non-fiction to fiction

Every relationship is raw. No relationship can be strong enough to let it be, to let it grow on itself. We have to keep working on them until the last breath. So, every relationship is raw.

Repeating my own words here, uttered almost an hour ago. Life is a serious stuff, a melodrama...big one on that note. Many things in it keep it alive while just a few things can be enough to keep it on halt. And through both the things, we have to keep up with the speed of life; we have to stand on two little feet and keep going, keep sucking the essence of daily life in the hope of redemption, salvation or in simpler words, peace of mind. 

But I wish life could be a dream at our dispense. If the previous dream did not turn out good, well we could have another one, the favorable one tonight. Didn't want that heavy storm? Alright! We can have a pleasant refreshing rainfall instead. Didn't like those goons chasing? Okay! Let's run with unicorns and color changing butterflies. Was it a reflection of the horror movie you watched recently? Smile. We can have your favorite things donning tonight's dream. Wouldn't it be beautiful if life could be slides of a never-ending ppt where we could decide what would go next? 

The start of this post and the way it's going are growing different with each word. I am sliding from non-fiction to fiction. Dreaming something impossible. Dreaming...something that can keep us alive, that can make up for just the right amount of hope for a better tomorrow.

This one may not be a powerful post but it feels good, to write something here after so long. May be will write something else tomorrow. After all, the relationship between me and my writing is also raw. 

Monday, 15 May 2017

The elegant presence in my book club (The 500th post)

They say, where there is will, there is way. And I believe in them.

I am at my native (my home more than any house in this world) spending time with my parents, brother and other family members. Being away from Bangalore reserves few regrets for me. One of them is - my book club. I thought I'd miss it for an entire month until I went back but no. Since readers are everywhere, so do books and my book club. I started taking club sessions for my niece, nephew and kid.  These three nuisance somehow manage to help me invent my book club in a different but interesting format. We are just four but fun can be garnered with this small crowd as well. 

 Today was the second last session of this month. The most fun and biggest advantage running your book club at your native can be - that your parent/s can pop in anytime and be a part of it. So my mum dropped by unexpectedly this eve during the session and fortunately, we were having a relaxed session - Mind Spa on Monday. We read for thirty minutes followed by another thirty minutes of coloring pages. I was coloring with my nephew when my mother made an elegant entry. I asked her - When was the last time you did coloring? She said - Don't remember but it has been years! I invited her and she took my place. I was joyous seeing my mother being a part of my book club (which is an impossibility when I am in Bangalore).

She started coloring with my nephew and I could see she was enjoying herself with pencil shaped trimmed crayons and little coloring book. While my nephew went on coloring crooning an indecipherable song, mummy was too focused on the task at hand to look elsewhere.

My most fav picture of the recent

Saturday, 8 April 2017

The blue sky at night.

Life for a woman, at times, can be on a constant run. Another day has come to an end and it feels as if it has slipped away like a breeze (except that of boring afternoon. Why summer afternoons always have to be boring?). Stopped by the table to pick my medicine when, suddenly, I noticed something peeking from my balcony net door (Read further. It's not a horror story). I paused with the medicine box in my hands. Kid was waiting in the room but I thought to slip into the balcony for a minute. It was the shadow of moonlight falling onto the floor of my balcony that oozed the longing to steal a minute.

As I stood watching the sky, which might be peeking from every window and every balcony net doors of many houses at this point, the cool breeze calmed the rushed senses. Thankfully there was no lizard soaking in the moonlight. To my surprise, the sky still has a touch of light blue. It should be grey or black but no. It appears to me blue right now. It's nice! To encounter a little miracle, the blueness out of a predicted blackness. 

Kid is asleep now and now I am sitting in the balcony, stealing more one minutes. I am glad that my house is far away from the hustle and bustle of city. It's tranquil in here, the kind of solace a soul can ask for. It is good for so many things. It's going to be ten of night yet I can vividly hear two aunties chatting merrily while having their walks downstairs. I know them. Such little muffled conversations are like gentle little ripples in the ocean of peace. I know I should go to sleep too. Night always has to end to give a head start to another day. But I want to sit for longer, turning one minute into an eternity, may be? Only that it is not possible. 

Why? I ask. Why it is not possible? If you think freely, eternity sure is made up of these little one minutes. In other words, you can say, one minute is the unit of an eternity. So if I can't have a big sloppy overwhelming eternity at this time, I still can have little ones...little blue eternities. And it's enough. 

See! A peaceful surrounding makes you creative. Now let me say good night but not before I steal another little blue eternity. :)

Friday, 7 April 2017

If you can bring a smile and glow a heart with happiness...

You never go downstairs enough to have that walk. Terrace usually seems to do the job but sometimes when you have miss out on a neighbor you are expecting to talk to, the heavens slide down and you decide to amble on the earth.

And then I met three lovely aunties and we all got into a fun light conversation. The evening was sultry yet the laughter and unexpected companionship were embracing. In the middle of somewhere, one of those elegant ladies said,

"I saw her one day. She was running. When I asked, she said she was going to your book club. She looked so happy saying that." (Yes! That ongoing conversation was about my book club - Pick'A Book Club - For Kids - that I run from home, at home every Thursday.)

I heard in silence as the last comment drenched me with a strange kind of happiness.

She looked so happy saying that.

But it was only then when those ladies left for their homes and I re-picked up my ambling once again that the remark got my complete attention. It brought a little peaceful smile on my face. Often I am in the receipt of very positive feedback about my book club and the way I run it. Even this morning, a bunch greeted me. But the remark came from that neighborhood aunty got completely under my skin. It's probably the best compliment for my efforts and energy and thinking that I put for my book club.

I reminisced how usually I used to get bored when I had to attend my tuition and extra classes, when I was little. Kids usually don't like sitting and reading books. But it's not the same for my book club. Kids actually do feel happy when they leave their houses to mine, just so to read, eat something nice and get indulged in discussions, Guest Talks and other cool activities. The platform that I give them when the reading slot is over, they share their experiences too! And they look so delighted doing it!

It's true you can't make everyone happy but if you can bring a smile on a kid's face and glow her heart with the happiness, you know there is something real in life to cherish, to celebrate in silence and finally you light up with a smile yourself.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Be alone. Be found.

it's good to spend time with people but if you want to headhunt yourself, be alone, away from the crowd, from the people, from the noise. In silence rings the most rhythmic tune of life. In silence only can you find the balance which is impossible to pursue in the middle of constant buzz. When you are alone, you are actually not alone. I mean, you might be having the sound of fan running overhead, the purifier filtering water, people jabbing door bell over and over again ignoring you might be busy writing an important blog post, the whooshing sound of airplanes passing above your house...various muffled sounds, letting their presence distinctively felt. But still you sit, one leg over the couch and second down on the carpet and your eyes are fixed on the screen thinking and fingers typing at the same time. But it's still silence! Either when the fan is still doing its job recklessly and people might re-start flirting with the door bell. You sit with eyes closed thinking to write something all the while slowly turning in a sponge...absorbing the silence around. It's magical, I tell you. It's addictive, you already know it. There can be just so many things running in the mill called brain - people, incidents, phone conversations, in person conversations, memories, past, the upcoming travel, job, hobbies turned passions, the next day birthday party invitation, calories gained during the recent festival - these and many more keep traveling in a loop gradually forming its center - You. The more you think, the more you get closer to yourself, the clearer things become. Silence is not only a desire or a longing but it also acts as a clears your image to yourself. Many things start making sense and you abruptly, much to your disappointment, realize How idiotic I was during this and that moment. There can be moments of triumph as well such as Whoa! I did good here. Lots of things finally settle at their right positions (or you just got a new eye for them, whatever) and the picture (or pictures, if you are a high rated thinker like me) becomes more vivid. Suddenly it feels as if you are seeing the whole version for the first time. It's surprising because it's your picture. It has moments including you, the colors of your emotions, the rainbow of achievements, the amalgamation of wins and losses, the irregularity of your own nature...still it looks so different from the other times. It looks real! Authentic! Original! The only version you are supposed to extract, to see and to live with.

Seclusion not only can be your next best pal but also can be the mentor, guiding through tough times by holding your hands allowing you to sulk deeper so that you can again be on your feet with a new abundance of energy, new hope, new thoughts and new decisions. It helps you in becoming you. It does not seek pretense. It simply stays by your side until  the crowd raids the space once again. But if you go through enough seclusion, the raid gets welcomed. Because now you know what you are. Because now you are - found.

Saturday, 25 March 2017

The real success lies in doing what you love

What's this thing with Bangalore? During day, it's hot but evenings are always pleasant. And don't ask about the nights. Cool breeze and oscillating trees will just steal your heart right away. :)

A few days back, I read an interview of someone. Although I am failing at the interviewee's name yet I can recall his final words of the session:

If you think doing corporate job is a symbol of success then you may be are at mistake. Success is doing what you love to do. 

A simple reminder of following your heart to have an enriched nourished life. Doing what you love is, you can call it, food to the soul. It nurtures the virtues such as self-preservation and the will to keep moving. When you do what you love, you are not needed to be poked and goaded and lectured for doing it. You just pick it up and start. It's a beautiful feeling! The motivation comes from within. The protest starts from the heart and finally makes up to the soul when the moment is filled with the desire. Not only the initiation becomes a lot easier but also the sense of achievement multiplies at a great level. In a short period of time, you naturally learn more than what you could learn from doing something that just does not feel right to the heart and yet you have to fall in line. Since Guitar is my passion, I learn new songs every week. The desire takes birth naturally and I just start and only stop when my hands have totally given up. Though I am still a beginner but hopefully on the way to become a pro one day. See! Dreaming big becomes easy too. 

Doing what you love is inspiring, motivating and the best partner in crime when you want to ignore everything and everyone in order to do it. So don't be afraid to pursue the story of heart even if it is a crime somewhere. You will be acquitted at the end.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Forgive while you still can

You have no idea what kind of image my house is reflecting at this moment. Even though the maid is gone after doing a good cleaning and moping still it feels as if I am sitting in the middle of an earthquake. Too much mess gives me headache and I am having one now.  So I am just trying to keep it calm and doing what I love.

Sometimes when you are chopping onions in the daybreak in your kitchen, it is not surprising if one or two unpleasant emotions catch up on you. And then you start snorkeling into something you shouldn't - the years gone by - because you want to finish cooking while you are still sane. A few incidents flash across your focused eyes and you inevitably start wincing inside. They are the ones making you shift in the chair, drifting your gaze away, making you lick your lips that have suddenly gone dry, the slight palpitation of heart, the appearance of that burrow in the forehead, the longing for just stop feeling okay. The beginning of a frown occurs and your fairly good mood drains down the sink along with the dirt of vegetables recalling all those people responsible for it.

But you can't keep feeling like this, can you? No. So it's better to let some of these GO. What I am trying to project here is, that while it is not easy to forgive all the people who have hurt you but it's still feasible to forgive some of them. Say, there are total of ten people that irritate you at any given minute of the day. While you can't work with six of them, permit the remaining four and the stress associated to them melt away. Not an easy thing to do but worth giving a shot. At the end of the day, the stress may not have towed away completely but I can bet the solitude I am loving as of now that it would certainly reduce down to a certain extent, once and forever.

Read this post in Hindi on my Hindi blog: जाने भी दो...कुछ बातों को

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Present is the souvenir of the future

Yesterday we were on a de-cluttering spree. As we kept unloading and scrubbing spaces off the unwanted items, a jute bag caught my attention. Upon opening it, I paused. The rest of the world settled in the background and I got fairly lost in the articles kept inside that bag.

It reminded me of a particular slot of time, passed years ago. There were glues, glitters, colorful cello tapes, hand made craft items such as envelops and paper bags, stones and buttons, colorful strips for paper quilling, tiny boxes, silky yarn, a few toothpicks, models to create more paper bags and envelops...a time restored in one bag with non-working zip. As I kept on exploring those items, I felt I was taken back into the time where I was something else...someone who was enthusiastic and optimistic for her Art & Craft Sale to work, to wow people. I remember I had made dozens of beautiful eye-catching papers boxes and envelops of various kinds, sizes and colors packed nicely in plastic wraps. Some festival was upcoming (probably Diwali) and I had decided to put my time for a good use by organizing a sale of hand made items. I had also put some more things bought from the market such as little lipstick cases, sets of gel pens etc. It had taken almost a month to get all the things sized up, cut, glued, decorated and finalized. And when the sale was up at my home and my neighbors and friends turned up, the appreciation and praise in their eyes were quite visible. I still remember how delighted I was during that 3 days sale. I was the lone staff and the manager of the event and it was alright. I was the one holding every piece of the sale together. Not all the items vanished from the shelf but yes, many of them did. People loved them and I loved the experience. I was neither an author nor a guitarist or a blogger that time. I was simply a housewife which still continues to be one of my identities.

Now after all those years looking upon these items, I was overwhelmed. Glues have dried out, one or two stones have fallen out from the packaged boxes, envelops have lost their shape (due to smothering space in the jute bag), silky thread has loosened out of the yarn, gel pen set is still intact (don't know whether it still works), stars, ribbons, remaining non-decorated empty many moments caught and preserved in these. Until I was done with every item, the peaceful smile never left my face. I realized it was the past I was holding onto, the best souvenir of the present. It made me acknowledge what I was, what I am now and what more can I be. Those twenty minutes of living up that piece of past was ethereal...soul touching.

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

आसमां से ग़र चाँद मांग लूँ
तो जन्नत में रौशनी कैसे होगी ?

सुबह से ग़र सूरज मांग लूँ
तो रात के सीने में शाम कैसे होगी ?

अनसुनी अनकही बातों का भी
काश कोई ग़वाह होता,
ह्रदय ही ग़र जो खोल कर रख दिया
तो ख़ामोशी की तलब कैसे होगी ?

यूँ तो वक़्त के झरोखे में बिखरे हैं कई मोती
कुछ मेरे तो कुछ तोहफे स्नेह के,
उन मोतियों को ही ग़र ना सहेज लूँ
तो यादों में पहल कैसे होगी ?

कहते हैं 'मनुष्य तूफ़ां है तो भावनाएं साहिल हैं'
लहरों में जो ना बहे तो किनारों पर हलचल कैसे होगी ?

मुस्कुराने के तो बहुत से बहाने हैं
कुछ साक्ष तो कुछ अनभिज्ञ,
होंठ ही ग़र जो स्वावलंबी हो गए
तो आँखों में चमक कैसे होगी ?

चुप सी चलती बेहोश सी ये ज़िन्दगी
हर एक आंधी को बाहों में समेटे,
तिनके ही ग़र जो ना सिमट पाएं
तो कहीं और बहार कैसे होगी ?

P.S. Could not put a title to this creation of mine but it'll get one, once I get it.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Books never let you grow old

It is always good to have extra time in hands and buy (or rather, secretly shop on Kindle when husband is not around) new books. The sensation you get just by the anticipation of getting new stories is unparalleled. Much like a kid wanting the day to turn into dusk and then scale towards the night so that he could be tucked inside the blanket and watch his grand mother read new exciting stories to him. In my case, I am the child and my Kindle and paperbacks are the grand mother.

As I am digging into the initial pages of Message In A Bottle by Nicholas Sparks, it feels so ethereal, it feels as if all those daily storms and hurricanes, global warming and pollution, twists and turns of routine life have come to a sudden halt, just so that I can read. Kid was doing his homework beside me when I opened my Kindle and it lit up to me, alike the grand mother's eyes, seeing her child expectant for a good story. And as I continued from where I had left off, I stopped after a page. Reading requires seclusion, tranquility of time. I slowly switched off my device and now waiting eagerly to have some peace unperturbed slot around. Books encourages the child inside you to stay intact. They never let you grow old!

I am glad to be a child holding a book despite the fact that I own a little library of my own yet it is beautiful to have a new one in addition. I am glad to be able to feel the excitement every time I buy. And I am super thrilled when I start digging into its pages. It's a precious feeling, I tell you. 
Be the kid and hold a book. I promise every trouble, every storm that you may have been facing these days will swiftly settle back and you will be endorsed in a world where there is no one but you and your wise witty grand mother, full of stories with endless journeys and charming people to meet.

Friday, 10 March 2017

Pick'A Book Club March Guest Talk

Yesterday we had Guest of the Month at our club. It was Mr. Ozwin D'Souza. He is a teacher and our neighbor, of course. Since March is burdened with exams and the deadly pressure, I thought to pick the idea for the talk something refreshing and highly engaging. It was - Mischief, Best Friends and Ideals. And you can imagine how much we must have enjoyed it. But before I say anything else, kindly have Ozwin's short bio attached with his picture.

So when Ozwin dropped by on time, kids did not show much of the enthusiasm. There is a thing about kids. They appear normal or rather, a little dull when you approach them but once you start making a connection with them, they change quickly and start liking you right away. The same happened with our guest. Kids were first silent and intrigued by the third presence (apart from them and me) but when Ozwin started talking about Best Friends, it took less than two minutes to get them talking back. And the way Ozwin started the talk, it was commendable! It became easier for kids to establish an instant connection with him.

Then the session which was planned previously to be precisely of 20 minutes got stretched into overwhelming forty minutes! There was just so much to share, so much to talk and discuss and have fun with speaking about mischievous things each one of us has done in the childhood; about best friends, having secrets with them and also about adoring our ideals in details. You should have seen all the children and their instant interest in speaking on the topic. It was magical! When I see them bonding well with our guest, I just feel so happy. There is no dearth in that. The entire session was special and our minds were refreshed. We thanked our guest for coming over and giving us his precious time. Kids went home delighted by the session. Later on, Ozwin and I discussed various topics over coffee. Another day came to a good end.

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Celebrating Women's Day - The change I want

So today is Women's Day. First and the foremost, wishing all the women out there a very happy occasion. May we keep up with the virtues of womanhood which is strength, hope, love, care, integrity, earning credentials and the list is on...

Today, it does feel a little different. May be occasions/special days have a certain impact over the human psychology. I feel as if I have really drunk boost and actually feeling strong! I feel energetic even though I had slept less than four hours last night and did not have a nap the whole day. After so long I have also applied nail paint and it looks nice. Have also made a video featuring all those women who teach me important lessons of life and motivate me at various fronts but when I am posting it here, its not taking. I wonder why. Ungrateful blogger! Wishes showering from everywhere make me feel good and special though. I am grateful to them.

If you ask how does it feel like being a woman, I'd say - It feels rare and precious, beautiful and hopeful; sad too because of the crimes happening. Being a woman can also be stressing and daunting but then everyone has to go through such phases, more or less. Over all, it feels good to be a woman.

But I'd also like a change. I'd like to endorse girls' education. I'd like to abolish female infanticide. I'd like to encourage girls and women to speak up. I'd like men to stop considering women as toys or an object of their entertainment/time pass. I'd like to teach boys and men the importance of gender equality. I'd like to praise those women who have gone beyond their boundaries, have done beyond their best. I'd like to raise a toast to the courage and confidence rural women are now gaining. I'd also like to applaud all those men who are selfless and working for the betterment of the other half of the society. 

And I'd like to work towards one or all of the above.

So much on the name of wanting one change. But it starts from one, from the root level. If being asked, what change would you like to make to make this world a better place for women?

Monday, 6 March 2017

Everything comes at a price!

I am just done with my morning tea. Summer is here but somehow, the weather seems to be in a good mood since yesterday. It is still pleasant and no-sunny morning though I miss the sun, for the regular dose of my Vit. D.

They say work is very important. One benefit that you can garner from the statement is - that you get to enjoy leisure, you get to feel its tickle deeply. Because it's rare and so, precious. So sitting by my window looking out at trees gets me into some thinking. Trees - the natural but stubborn soldiers of our mother nature. They have to suffer so much for their growth. Even though there are four weathers by text book definitions yet our trees suffer many more than that - sudden rainfall in summers, snowfall in summers, sultry evenings, beautiful summer mornings, the brunt of human beings - they still grow, refuse to give up on their nature. But when those little buds appear on the nodes and afterwards, turn into beautiful flowers and leaves and fruits, all the harshness, the entire suffering suddenly looks worth, the price they paid in order to create beauty becomes worth.

Is it not a good example of what I had put as the title? That everything comes at a price? Look around or better, look inside and you will know. There is price to pay for everything but we should keep doing our jobs no matter how many weathers our eternal text book called life adds in the future.

Sunday, 5 March 2017

The Universe Between Us

When being in the crowd
then only you know the seclusion preferred
when being in seclusion
you realize the chaos running in head;
life is contradictory most of the times
gives easy times, and many limes
the solution might lie in being strong
fighting like a fighter, wounded like a lion;
everything appears to be a mirage
or may be we are living the one at large
before you know it's all a hallucination
puff! goes the sweet fancy imagination;
but the greatest truth lies in believing yourself
the time, the nature, the unparalleled universe
the one that lies in you, the one that lies in me
and the one that's resting between us many.

By - Priyanka Baranwal

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

The song is quite striking. Listen in the solitude and you would never want to come out. This can make you so beautifully distressed! I love the song, the lyrics, the history behind its making and the band, of course. It's one of those early songs that I gained mastery over very soon but could only record this eve. Sharing. Hope you to like it. If you do, write something nice but if you don't, well...what can I say? Tune in to the real one then. :)

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Fun February 2017

Today was the last session of my book club for February month. As I prefer to introduce a theme to every month, Feb's was G.K. (General Knowledge). By introducing a theme, you give children a fix direction. They head towards it and their development becomes guaranteed. Random growth is hard to observe and obtain. Hence, the idea of theme is well appreciated.

We did no silent reading today, much opposite to the routine. Kids came and picked a book from the G.K. section and then we read a bit of it aloud to everybody. It helps! The kid reading the book has to be involved with the text while others have to pay rapt attention. Because we do not stop just at reading. It gets religiously followed by question and answer rounds. I ask Qs. to them and then I see how much they have lent their ears to the book/s. It is fun as well as much interacting. If you ask me one thing that I have observed constantly in all my club kids, my answer would be - Kids love to speak! Give them a chance and you may not get your turn to open mouth. some times I have to tell them to pause so that I can put in a relevant point or re-order the discipline. All in all, it was a fun February. Pics are here - 

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Is it okay to have less, even one friend?

Just the last week we installed the POP statue of the great monk Swami Vivekanand in a corner of our house. We had bought it from Kanyakumari a while ago but since then, could not find a corner suitable enough to place the great visionary. Now that finally we have, it only looks beautiful and may I dare say, inspiring. Every time I see him, his life, his work ethics and whatever amount of rest of the knowledge I have of him inspires me. When I find something hard to do, I look at him and say, "If he could do this, I can too!" I will post a picture of us some other time. Until then, have one from the trip taken.

One of the incidents from our Swami ji's life keeps me real. It is so natural and shows the depth of his thought process so well that it's a no wonder he led an exemplary life gaining tons of followers all over the world. So the incident in particular goes somewhat like this -

Once Swami Vivekanand went on the world tour. Alone. When he returned, his friends (or may be colleagues) mocked him by asking - What did you get from such a big tour? Because he had returned alone. Being very precise and honest by nature, Vivekanand replied - I got a true follower.

Finding a true follower or in today's era, a true friend is no less than finding yourself. So yes. It's absolutely OKAY if you have only ONE friend. That one person may be hold the key to finding yourself, to the treasures of life that you can't dig alone, to find an equilibrium in times of happiness and grief. A true honest friend is like a whole grain; works on its pace but you feel fuller for a lifetime. So be happy, be light, make merry because you have what many people crave despite of being in the crowd of acquaintances.

Researches say that intelligent people tend to have less friends. Because the smarter you get, more selective you becomes. I hope I did not send you on a run to check on your friend list.

P.S. Since this morning I am having this stubborn headache, refusing to let go of me. But now as I am getting done here, it has dwindled down by a great extent. I want to credit the pleasure of Writing and not to the cup of tea I made right before I started typing here.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Speak it out to be heard.

Remember one of my recent posts where I had talked of my mother and how she drenched me with motherly warmth? Here is the post Soak into the warmth. Read it first because the one I am writing now is its sequel.

In a few relationships, you have to act more as a Giver. You don't expect much in exchange and keep giving your time and energy to those precious people. One of them are parents. You keep in touch even when they get surprisingly busy and also when hours turn into days and days turn into weeks until they find some time and make a call to you. In the meanwhile, you play the role of Jesus, forgiving them wholeheartedly. But sometimes you do get crucified! After all, everyone has a line of patience. Don't judge me as keeping quiet is absolutely okay. You only mean to give them free space after a while so that they can continue doing their work and finish them while, you, at your place and position, too are continuing with your work in order to meet the deadline.

So I simply allowed my mother to have her breathing space and let her finish her busy schedule. In simpler words, I stopped making calls and let her be. It's important! She called yesterday in reply to my missed call. Love sometimes comes out in grudges and grunts. I could not resist any further and complained that she does not have time for me anymore. No matter whether the world is tumbling up and down, she gotta have some time to talk to her only elder daughter. She listened and laughed. How else she was supposed to handle it?

By making a call to me...all by herself...without me reminding or placing a message.

So she called today on her own and then we talked. Somewhere i thought I did a good thing putting forward the complaint. I said and that was why, I was heard. She said, 'Now you can't say I don't call you. See! I got some time for you before I hit the treadmill'. She does not jog as I do but loves to walk. We talked for some time and Jesus was happy once again.

Friday, 17 February 2017

The Naked Face by Sheldon

Today I finished reading The Naked Face by Sidney Sheldon. It took me two weeks to finish it. If you see the book, you will realize that the book should not last more than four or five days, a week may be. But two weeks sounds a little stretched. But I enjoyed reading it. Took my sweet time and thought about Sheldon and his protagonist, Judd Stevens. 

It's a murder mystery. Someone is out to kill Judd but who? Who could that be? The whole story revolves around it, exactly the way our pretty earth takes an inspection of the glowing sun. Somewhere the book is interesting. Sheldon has managed it well but over all? I am not sure. I did not like the book much. It felt Sheldon has tried to create unnecessary mystery out of nothing. Using big words of psychoanalysis (Judd is a psychoanalyst) does not work. At least for me. Thankfully I am not on any panel to judge this book or else...Sheldon's next murder mystery would be aimed at Me.

The only thing I liked in this book could be - the characterization of Judd's various patients. Sheldon has created an eclectic collection for Judd who seems to understand each one of them. Their problems and how Judd sees them and does the analysis is good. He is patient, understanding and his patients' privacy is his ulterior motive. There Sheldon has scored some points.

Next is Bleachers by Grisham. Let's see how it goes.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Talk. Communicate. Express.

Before I put my wisdom tooth at work and initiate a conversation here, I just want to confess that the weather outside has become very chilly. The wind is restless and intends to sweep away anyone barring its way. One can't stay sans a jacket or sweater. Still, it's heavenly!

Now let's begin some serious talking. If I am to pull out a personal moment and pin it here, that'd belong to yesterday. Since a few days I had been sensing an invisible dusk of stress on my husband. I asked twice or may be thrice but each time the reply was casual. Finally I decided to put a stop to such casual replies (pun intended). After all, there is a limit to these. I am sort of frank in relationships and expect people to be honest too. So when I stayed persistent, the dam finally broke and everything that was packed behind it gushed out. We talked and talked for a long time...over the things that had turned into issues and also on potential stuff. Result? The dawn of content and relief.

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Soak into the warmth

I was busy in my work this afternoon when my mother called. Since a few days she had been ardently busy and could not avail five minutes to talk. Since she is the busiest person I have ever come across in my life, I let her indulge in all the necessary tasks she meant to give priority first.

When she called today, I thought for a moment to place an affectionate complaint about her being busy and not having time to talk to me but I refrained. She called and that was enough!

No sooner did I put the restraining order over myself that she said,

"I was meant to call you since a few days but could not! I was not feeling good for not being able to talk to you."

I felt myself warmed by her words. I asked to verify (and also to listen once again),

"Did you really feel bad at the inability to talk to me?" She confirmed in a firm yes, soaking me completely in her warm words this time.

What can I say here about how I felt at that moment. It just felt I was alive once again.