Thursday, 18 December 2014

Don't say these to a heart broken soul.

She was talking to her sister over the phone. After a little personal chat, the sister said, "I am glad for you that things have become normal. It is good". She pursed her lips and didn't say anything. She felt a little discomfort at her sister's words. It was after two seconds that she found a suitable answer to tackle the remark.

"What are you talking about? Things were never abnormal. They were normal and will always be".

The sister's remark itched the wound on her heart. She wanted to go past things but people, sometimes, forbid her for doing so. I guess what happened with her had certainly been happened with any of us at some stage of our lives. We face some horrible phases, hardly find courage to pick the shattered pieces of ourselves and when finally we succeed in doing so, people never let the cracks fill with their sympathy coated painful reminders. What they don't know that it hurts! It hurts to stumble on something that can remind us of something painful; something that had an ugly face which once was bolted with sweating efforts but some acts just unbolt the pin and expose the wound. Needless to say, the situation deteriorates and once again, the gory past starts pinching hard.

So here is a quick guide about What not to say to a heart broken soul. Trust me, it can save your time, the goodwill and the foremost, the cornerstones of the relationship.

Glad to see things have become normal.

A complete no no. Because this sentence also refers to this - Things were abnormal once. Your compassion matters. So choose to express it in absolute and mature words. You can simply say 'I am glad to see you happy'. At least, you will bring a smile to the person you are conversing to.

Hope you won't do it again.

Want it or not, everyone knows mistakes happen. So saying this remark will stir the grief by manifolds. Talk normal and show your empathy but please! DO NOT follow your talks by questioning the soul's competency to act or judge. Some things happen in a way that even after years, it still feels incredulous thinking how foolishly we fell into the pit. Now the soul has nothing but to regret and moving on. The bottom line here is, if you can't bring the happiness then please, don't be the ugly face either.

How it happened, I am shocked.

How it happened, that happened or whatever happened, if it's not your business, pin yourself away from it. People don't want to face sad circumstances but when they do, never ever say this line. Provide comfort not another onset of tears. Insensitivity hurts. It can get you listed in Unwanted list by the moral police of the soul. Instead, say things like, 'I am sure better things are in the queue.'

There is goodness hidden in everything.

This particular sentence might sound like a genuine innocuous one but sometimes, they very harmless thing can be the harbinger of some unpleasant things. We all know and say whatever happens, happens for good but on the same line, we fail to understand when something incredible happens; which squeezes us into a shock cloak. For example like rape or death of a loved one. In these situations, we can not find any goodness hidden in the envelope. So it is better to grief silently than raising it tons by being philosophical.

How are you goes on till n times.

If you sincerely want the soul to live in peace, DO NOT ask about his/her well being repeatedly. This sends the signal about there had indeed been something unfortunate and the sufferer starts to feel discomfort. Not only s/he dodges you but also flashes from the past crosses frequently. Also, do not give frequent visits or stick around too much. Instead of doing these, you can just say 'If you need me, I am always here for you'. This lone sentence works faster and much better but again, say this once or max twice. Do not overload the sympathy gun that can result into a backfire.

I don't have time for you.

People don't want unpleasant things to encounter but when they happen, they have to struggle through it. It is not anyone's fault for falling into an accident or a bad situation. So do not avoid the soul. Moving on is the hardest phase of getting over something. Ignorance or cutting off will hardly help. If you can not stay around, instead of dodging, mockery or wickedness, just simply excuse yourself politely with some other things of life. Talk out of normalcy and let the soul see your friendly face. If you can;t talk, stay silent. Do your work instead of interfering with your ill remarks, Be a human being not a particular annoying one.

I am the happiest person on the globe.

Don't let your appearance say this one. It is always advisable to stay normal around the heart broken soul. Stay neither too happy nor too sad. This will keep the upcoming additional heavy emotional outbreaks in check. Some people try fake happiness. They suddenly appear too happy or too much active for doing anything at the moment. Yes. We understand you are trying to bring a smile to the person but do not go overboard with compassion. Relax and have patience. Slowly try taking things to the level of normalcy, one level at one time. This will allow the bearer breathe around you which is exactly what you want. Isn't it?

Hope it helps. And hope things will start making sense to some people in my life.

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