Friday, 31 January 2014

Life is not picture perfect

This morning juggling with cooking, getting my kid ready for the school and packing all things, I hurriedly took off with him to drop him at the bus point but missed it. I was late by few minutes and there happened another hustle bustle of life. I immediately took an auto and dropped him in his school.

While returning back, I munched on how life has gotten changed since last few days, two days to be precise. Two days ago, I was with my parents and life was even more busier. They were here for around one week and every single day, we were on our feet to visit this place and that place. We were so busy that I, in fact, did not find substantial time to post my launch photos on my official pages. I regretted that but attending my parents seemed to me more important. I am after all a family type person and it comes above everything, even to my writing! I hope you will understand and respect it.

We got to visit many places like Flower Show in Lalbagh, some places in and around Bangalore, The Art of Living, a day trip of Mysore and on the final day, for shopping. Their one week schedule was so hectic and tiring that we could hardly procure some time to relax let alone tidying up the house. I had my launch scheduled during their visit and it was on January 25th. Read the details HERE. The event went successful with number of people attendance. My parents were very happy to attend it and so we were.

Below snaps I am sharing from the Flower show of Lalbagh.

Flag made of rice grains

With mummy and Sumit

It was only after the launch that I could take a sigh of relief and allowed myself to enjoy with them. They have come after a span of long years and that is why I wanted to share every possible moment with them. On next day of the launch, I wanted to post event photos on my official pages but I couldn't. We were so busy and I regretted for not being able to keep my readers updated nonetheless I did post some snaps of few places like The Art of Living when it was possible.

I loved when my parents were here. At such times, you fail to recognize how deeply you have gotten involved with these priceless moments. It was after they were gone, I was hurled to the reality. It seemed like I was living into a vivid dream and now, someone had thrown a bucket of water right at my face. Mummy-pitaji had their flight in early morning (At 6) and they had to leave by approx. 4 (my home is awfully far from the airport). My son was sleeping and he had his school that day. So I could not go with them to say good bye at the airport. I had to stay. When they were leaving, naturally tears made their way in my eyes and I finally surrendered to the weak moment. I cried. My parents consoled me by saying 'We will come again. Don't worry and cry like this' but we all are selfish. We want everything NOW. Thus, tears refused to make their way back. Finally they left and I saw the car disappearing in the Bangalore morning mist.

As Sumit escorted them to the airport in car, I was alone at home (with my son sleeping). For the first time in last week, the silence injected in my house scared me. Now there was no teasing, no tea demands, no cooking vessel crinkling and no joyous chattering. It was an absolute and intimidating silence. Finally when Sumit returned after two hours, I fell asleep.

I woke up very late. That morning though my alarm jolted me to wake up for my son's school but even into my dreams, I knew I'd be scared living alone all day. Sumit too had his office and I was just not ready to live alone. I decided not to send my kid school. At least his cartoon channels, silly dramas, itchy demands would keep me distracted. There'd at least be someone sharing the empty house with me.

After my breakfast in the morning, I took a good look at my house. It was kidnapped to a real mess. When mummy-pitaji were here, I hardly got enough time to re-arrange my house over and over again. After tidying the place once, it again went mess after few hours. So I took the charge and boarded for Get-the-house-cleaned mission. It took me hours to get my house back into its arranged and tidy stupor. The house looked happy being de-cluttered. But I was not. I liked the messy house with my parents' presence. This tidied house made me cry. When I picked up coasters to put them back at their usual place, my eyes brimmed with tears. Those coasters my parents used to cover their glasses of water. Now it hurt to get reminded of those moments. When I was folding cloths, it reminded me of my mother how she did the task happily without being asked to do so. Through all day, it was a challenge for me to maintain myself until Sumit arrived in the evening. He tried his best to come early and somehow succeeded at manageable level. Then only I put my head on his shoulders and cried. The damn was cracked open and now there was nothing to bar it. I cried until I was done.

I knew my parents could not stay with me forever yet...I wanted them to. Heart is so selfish that it thinks and cares only about what it wishes, about what it craves and demands for. I talked with mummy and pitaji over the phone until they arrived back home safely. My father is a tough man; hardly cries or displays any emotion while my mother is good at stifling her tears. She too was emotional while leaving me but she handled herself wisely. But they both were sad, may be more than I was.

Now it had been two days since they have left. I am settled in my own schedule now. I have updated my pages and now busy in everything I was in before their arrival yet I feel something amiss everywhere. Sofas are empty where my father played Solitaire on my tab. The sprawled low bed is now squeezed into half because my mummy is not sitting on it with her essential dose of tea and her Marie biscuits. Life is almost perfect but not the picture perfect and it will never be. We can not get everything we want. Sometimes it is possible but not every time.

But if we look at the imperfections and beautify it with our helpless wiser perspectives, we will know the picture is perfect. Pieces that we want and they aren't with us are somewhere hiding in the background, merged with the colors but they sure are there. Our eyes are just not that sharp to feel their presence.

Things we want are always there. All we need is to change the way we see our life. Then the life will become picture perfect. My parents are at their home but they live in my heart and that is the way I should see the picture of my life.

And yes...before I merge into background, enjoy two pics of my Mysore visit.

Panorama view of the Mysore Palace

With my parents :)

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