Thursday, 12 September 2013

Can a mother-in-law turn into a mother?

Recently I have been seeing advertisements of an upcoming daily soap. Usually I don't watch TV soaps except for one but in between my favorite show, comes several advertisements and the upcoming TV serial I am talking about is the one that I see during such breaks.

So the concept of the serial is quiet simple. It is, as I have gathered after watching the advertisements for few times, trying to resuscitate an archaic and proverbial quest that "Can daughter-in-laws be daughters?". The ad comprises of different women carrying the same message that why daughter-in-laws can not be treated as daughters? Some daughter-in-laws speak about their agony while some mother-in-laws speak about if they weren't treated as daughters, why should they treat their daughter-in-laws as daughters?

The topic is sensitive and fairly elaborated to talk about. I'd be dealing it on few fronts. May be in some other post I will deal with the other equally necessary facets. It's true that mother-in-laws have always been considered as violent human beings; they are considered (or mostly rumored) as heartless ladies with fire spitting mouth. Whenever she speaks, it will put daughter-in-laws (D-I-Ls) on fire i.e. she believes in ruining the lives of their D-I-Ls. I have seen many Hollywood and Bollywood movies portraying M-I-Ls as monsters. And why only movies? These days, TV serials too have proved themselves no less than big flicks. Flip to any channel, you will surely find a M-I-L portraying a vamp role in more than one daily soaps.

But I am not here to carry forward the same quest. Rather, I am here to toss the situation this time. Let's flip the coin and face the other side so that we can better understand the real face of the situation. What movies and serials show are not quite true. Please don't abide by them. There are several M-I-Ls who have proved themselves better than their D-I-Ls' own mothers.

I agree that D-I-Ls have several issues like adjusting in a new family with new family members with different tastes, the agony of leaving parents behind, dealing with the other difficulties and what not. They think they are alone at their new home. They are alone at their in-laws house. Why don't they think if they have left one mother behind, they have found a new one? Why don't they make their M-I-Ls their confidante? The preset notion of "Mother-in-law is always bad and wrong" stops them to do so. Unless you understand your mother-in-law, never ever pass such statement. Mutual understanding has everything to keep a relationship working.

Love your M-I-L and get the same in return

If I talk about my own M-I-L, she is quite a graceful lady, speaks ever so softly and talks with sense. She carries bountiful of useful counsels and believes in carrying forward them as her legacy. The thing that makes me wonder the most about her is, that she belongs to a small village; she has spent most of her life in a village that needs major improvements yet, she has developed herself, thoughts and the way of thinking towards life despite of her village left backward. She is a paradigm for me. She conveys the message that no matter at what place you live in, it's always YOU who can make yours and other's lives better. And I totally believe in it.

Unless your mother-in-law behaves cruelly, give her sometime to adjust with you too. After all, you are also a new figure added to her family that was previously living under her warmth and protection. She also needs sometime to understand and moreover, to accept the fact that it is YOU with whom she has to spend her life from now on. Life is not easy and addition of a fresh family member sometimes adds up to some difficulties. If she needs sometime, there is nothing wrong with it. Like you need it, she also needs her space.

And if we talk about all those miffs, altercations and tu tu main main, give me an example of a relationship that doesn't carry all of these. Chalk and cheese situations happen in every relationship. But never ever let your ship sink because of simple daily routine grapples. It is hard to understand each other but without giving a genuine and heartfelt try, never think your mother-in-law doesn't love you and she can never be your own mother. Also, where love resides, exchange of hot words tend to happen. Not only the blood makes the relationship thicker. Sometimes it's the understanding and the willingness that plays the trick to survive any relationship.

This post is incomplete if I don't discuss the above questionable statement when a mother-in-law says, 'If they weren't treated as daughters, why should they treat their daughter-in-laws as daughters?'. Their such point of views can not be justified based on their experiences. If one shoe pinches, will it mean you will never buy any other footwear? If a restaurant served bad food for once, will you stop going to the other restaurants? No. Why? Because in the case of shoe, it was company's fault and in the case of eatery, it was chef's fault. In the similar fashion my dear mother-in-laws, just because your own M-I-L treated you badly, you necessarily don't have to spike yourself in the same way. If you couldn't receive the love and support you deserved, make it a sure point that you will not let the history repeat itself. You will surely love your daughter-in-law and will give her the support she will be needing from you. After all, YOU are the only one towards whom she will look up to in every situation.

I am not sure whether my post has worked but I have made my point and am fairly sure about it. Not every daughter-in-law is bad and certainly not every mother-in-law too. It is all about being munificent in giving out, as I said above, a genuine and heartfelt chance.


  1. I have the coolest mother-in-law on the face of earth. She kisses me, hugs me, shops for me, cook me my favorite dishes, have been with me in tears and fears. I have tried my best to be a daughter to her too. Yes, you are right. It takes time to get to know them, for them to get to know us. We need patience, maturity, understanding and a mutual feeling where you accept each other's minor flaws. You have to let go off certain things. Once there is presence of all this ingredients, mother-in-lawship can turn out to be a very special relationship.

    1. So rightly said Dhara. I am glad that you are blessed with such a nice MIL and you too reciprocate the same as DIL. Life is beautiful when things get balanced :)(


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