Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Are you a self-alleging-scanner?

A self alleging person would be someone who culminates a natural habit of scanning him  (or her) actions, thoughts, behavioral patterns etc. on a Right or Wrong balance scale and often finds himself drawing more on the Wrong side.

Let me make myself easier to understand via a example here. Suppose you are in a formal conversation with someone and you both are conversing in a polite manner until the other person says something bad and dismisses the chit-chat. You haven't said anything annoying or irritating yet the other person behaved badly to you. Now the thing to ponder about here is, do you blame yourself for the other person's ill attitude despite you said nothing bad? Do you think you should have said your already innocuous matter in a different manner so that the other person wouldn't get annoy with you? If you are nodding your head silently at either or both of the questions above then you naturally fall under the category of Self-alleging-scanner; a person who keeps weighing himself and blames his attitude for anything that goes wrong around him.

It is, as natural and as clear as the water, definitely not a commendable thing to act towards yourself. Thing happens. Things go either right or wrong and sometimes both of them. Things keep flowing but letting yourself trap into the blame-game isn't a good idea. It can take a toll onto your attitude, your lifestyle, your actions i.e. on your entire personality altogether.

Life isn't easy but don't make it tougher with such indictment habit. Let's check out what you can do to break free of this self-alleging-scanner so that you can breathe a fresh whiff of life.

Stop scanning yourself for other's fault

First and the foremost, stop scanning and blaming yourself for whatever wrong has happened around you. If something has really gone wrong because of you then you are liable to blame yourself but not for those things who are not under your feet to crush for. It's simple. If you don't take credit for if something struck right then how come you have attained a habit of blaming yourself for something wrong? You don't have and frankly I don't think that you will ever have a tight grip on the every situation around.

I remember that few days back I was talking to one of my neighbors through my balcony. During the five minute normal chat, I invited her to my house in a very casual manner. But she didn't say the same in return. I got bit irked on the spot but kept cool. Later, I thought may be I too shouldn't have invited her like she did but then my head slapped me back. I then thought if she didn't do so, why should I blame myself for inviting her? After all, I did a very normal thing that usually every neighbor falls for. If she doesn't have the etiquette to exchange the warmth, where am I wrong then?Needless to say, I became my own savior at the moment. I stopped blaming myself despite of her cold reaction.

Analyze the situation

If something goes wrong, before you opt for twitting yourself, better analyze the situation. As I have stated it earlier, you can not attain a complete control over the situation. Thus, if someone has started talking in an ill manner, analyze what possibly could have gone wrong. Have you said anything or the person you are talking to already is burdened with some other stress? Some people have this grotesque habit of considering others a garbage. They think people are living at their expense and spit their dirt on them without blinking their eyes. So now face yourself. Is this your fault? If people don't talk seriously or are already jeweled with the ignorance habit, are you responsible for all these? Certainly NO.

If you digging out a brick of one wall and if, all of a sudden, the front wall crashes down abruptly, that doesn't mean your digging is responsible for the crash. A bad architecture can be held responsible for this but certainly not you!!

So this pointer bear the fruit of analyzing the situation before you fall into a self blame game.

Keep a positive attitude

Researches say that keeping positive attitude halves your already existing troubles. And I totally comply with it. Surviving on a positive and affirmative attitude maximum time (maximum because no one is perfect!!) keeps you at bay from several issues.

For example, if one of your colleagues comes to you and start blaming you for ruining his presentation because you have printed out his files with smudged words and sprawled ink then what will you do? Yes. You can agree on the point that you have taken the print out but it's the concerned person's responsibility to check everything right before the presentation. You did your job at best but if printer has some problem then you can not be blamed. Instead of cursing yourself under the breath, you can, rather, easily point out where was the actual wrong spot.

This way, you will be handling your inner self with accurate positive thinking plus no one would be able to take advantage of you. Just because your colleague's presentation went bad, his ego got bruised and he then decided to vent his agony at you for no reasons, you can not be at his disposal. Practice the positive attitude culture in your lifestyle.

Learn to take your stand

If someone keeps accusing you for something, always think about your contribution in the situation. If you have done wrong then it's the other matter. You can admit but if you haven't then do your self a favor and choose to take your own stand no matter how much the person bellows at you. Stick to what YOU believe. Standing by your opinion is what matters everywhere. If 9 out of 10 people say that such and such political person must become the president of the country in the next election and you possess a different opinion on this front, still stay by what you think. It may not be advisable to say it out loud where majority is against your point of view but yet, have the courage to go with your thoughts.

Your stand takes you where you actually deserve. Your stand shows your true personality. It shows the real you.

Enjoy the pitfalls

Yes!! Do it. If you can not help yourself; if you can not stop scanning yourself for everything that went wrong or is going wrong then it would be wise to enjoy the pitfalls that the nature has stitched in your personality. There is no way you can survive while you keep sulking at the life. Everyone has pros and cons. Everyone has good and bad habits. If you can't dust yourself off the self-alleging-scanner, enjoy it. Enjoy because you have no option. Enjoy because this trait wouldn't hurt anyone. Enjoy because you have the courage to face your bad facets. :)

Find the happiness in your pitfalls

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