Thursday, 29 August 2013

A call for the parent intervention

Few days back, a very sensitive issue happened. This issue was one of those calls that needs to be addressed with 'Proper attention' and 'Appropriate handling'.

So the moment happened like this. Our son was downstairs, playing with his two friends. One of his friend is little elder to him. Let's name that elder boy A. So, like other usual days, my son was playing with his friends next to my house on a gigantic sand heap. Actually, there is a construction work going on next to my building and the sand heap is poured down there for the process. It was an off day for my husband. Thus, we were doing some work at home. After a while, our son came and said that A has behaved ill towards him and then he explained. A indeed had done something that can not be counted as a normal behavior towards the other child.

Instantly I and my husband got worried. I got angry on the spot but my husband placated me. I was angry because while playing, kids should be well behaved especially towards others. They should not harm others or do such thing that is beyond the play time etiquette. I immediately told my husband to go over to meet A and solve the issue. Make him understand that such behavior will never be accepted. But he refused. He said,

"I will talk to him but not now. Wait for the appropriate time". I shook my head as I was still fuming. Thereupon, we directed our son to go to A and tell him to say sorry as he had done something wrong. He followed. When A said sorry to him, I calmed down nonetheless I had already decided to talk to A personally, not because I was holding any grudge against him but as a parent. The issue was the sure call of parent intervention. Gradually my anger found its ground and got buried. I was no more an angry mother.

After two days when all the children again were playing in the evening, I instructed our son to call A upstairs, towards our house. A came along with two children. I let the other two children stay outside and called A inside. By that time I knew in which way I had to address the issue. I calmly took him aloof and started talking to him. After the formal greetings, I said in a very calm and composed tone with a hint of smile on my face,

"A! I know beta that you are a very good boy and very mature too. Now that it's confirmed that you have admitted such thing, I will say that it is not good to behave like this. I know you didn't carry any ill intention to harm him and it just happened. But still I'd say to be more alert. You are elder to my son and what you do, he will follow, thinking what elders do is morally and colloquially right. If you do good thing, my son will follow (and vice versa). He and other children look at you as a home of good habits and well tailored manners. So I'd say that please be careful while playing and don't do any such thing. You are a very good boy at heart and I know this" I smiled.

He listened very patiently, with rapt attention. He kept nodding in between the conversation which was a positive sign that I had made my point in an accurate way. While going back, he said sorry and would be careful onward. I was relaxed.

Had I behaved badly to him, he might have gone rude or worse, couldn't understand the value of being morally right. It is utmost important for a parent to present their worries in a very careful way in front of a child. A child mind set is not as grown up as adult's.

Why I took A separately inside and talked to him privately, there was a prominent reason behind. Any child, be it a well behaved one or a bully, neither wants to get scolded in front of anyone nor being addressed like a culprit of any issue, no matter how things fall upon later. They may feel insulted too. I realized that talking in front of other children may trigger the ignorance in A. Also, communicating in a rude manner or scolding wouldn't go favorable either. When I talked to him with a warm tone and a little smile, he went instantly attentive and agreed with what I had to say!

Later I told my husband about everything and he too agreed with me. Finally, it feels good that the issue was resolved without a fuss. I am glad.

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