I don't feel like writing today yet I am doing the same. Writing is not just some thing I do when I am happy or normal; it helps me to absorb my sorrow too. It is cathartic you know. Today I met with an accident and because of that I am very very sad, not able to cope up with my own fear. Details aren't necessary to scratch here. What important here is :: I am trying to release my stress with the help of my blog and I don't expect anyone to read this post. If you don't, I will be happy because this way I wouldn't be infecting you with my sad heart and gloomy face. I am talking with my blog to help my own self, as usual.
Personally everything is normal but meeting with an accident on the road today had made me vulnerable. I was driving my car and met with an huge (at least for me) accident while hitting it to the other car damaging my car's bumper from one side. Instantly I knew it was my carelessness that led me to this trouble because I know how to drive a car and I drive regularly. Initially I was so boggled that somehow I got back to home and couldn't hold onto myself and cried like hell. I cried incessantly for around half an hour. It was so difficult for me to come out of that accident. My car is hit. The damage is not too much but I am simply not able to withstand with it. I am fine but my car is not. It happened first time with me and as we all know, first is always the most effective. I cried, cried and cried. But now I feel better because stock of the tears are done and my eyes are dry now. But still, I am not all okay from inside.
Initially I tried to search 'How to keep yourself happy in trouble times' kind of articles on the internet but I realized those kinda stuffs aren't going to help me in any way. Or the things that I already know to elate one's self. But that will not help me either. It is ME who can help. But I am helpless. I feel sad and want to curl up myself inside the blanket for the rest of the day. Such emotions appear when you are scared and don't want to go out. Yes!! I am scared and don't want to get out of my home, especially on the roads. It's something like a cowardice act but it doesn't matter that it has consumed me. It will take sometime to dissolve my own fear, crystallize it and then spit it out of my system. Then only I guess I can regain my lost confidence. Thankfully, my beloved husband is with me and instantly left his office when he heard about the accident. He reached to me asap and comforted me like a baby (because I was shedding endless columns of tears like one). He soothed my sinking heart and tried his best to make me feel better. He is really a bliss to me. Later I assured him of my well being and sent him back to the office. I don't want him to get any work related trouble either.
I don't know yet how to uplift myself. May be the time will do this but time also needs sometime to do its job. So I am handing over the time, sometime to make me feel better and normal.